I find it quite fascinating how people change based on who they are with. I know experiences can shape us and the past can play a role in who we become. But what I find the most fascinating is when people change based on who they are spending time with. Particularly when you notice a strong pattern!
One example is that with one of my friends I know, she claims I’m her best friend and she’d never ditch me for a man. I think she believes she’s never done it either because she says it with such conviction. And yet it’s couldn’t be further from the truth.
One small example is that when she’s lonely I can’t go more than a day without hearing from her and if I don’t reply, it’s the end of the world! But when there is a man on the scene, any man even if she’s not that interested, she will stop texting me, I could go days without hearing from her?!
The bigger example is that she dated her last boyfriend for about 10 months, we ended up socialising once maybe twice a month and only then was it because we were going to see his band. I spent that year building new friendships, having new experiences, yet now when she looks back at it she believes she saw me all the time?? She has a selective memory, that will even make shit up!!
So the pattern I’ve observed in this instance is that, she becomes a self absorbed asshole when a man is involved, not only becoming non existent in the friendship but more importantly becoming condescending and downright rude!!
For example last night I said I’d have to go home early as my dad was unwell and I didn’t want to leave him alone all night, to which she very rudely replied “go on then, I don’t need you, I don’t think I’m coming home with you anyway” I responded with “right then I’ll go home now, seeing as how I am actually needed there”, which then had her backtracking saying no I couldn’t leave her on her own yet, stay a few more hours.
Her attitude wasn’t needed, she knows damn well that my dad is very important to me, and that his health isn’t great, she also knows that I’m all he’s got… And I’m annoyed that I ended up staying out to be a good friend to her and she was just fucking rude!!!
The thing is this isn’t the first time, I’ve put up with her bullshit every time there’s been a bloke around, we’ve even had arguments due to her disrespectful attitude and I once came close to ending the friendship because I didn’t like the person she became when a man was in the picture.
Truth is, recent events are reminding me of all of this and I can’t help wonder if I will want to remain friends with her when she finally ends up in a settled long term relationship, because she becomes a horrible person after a week of a bloke.
I don’t understand how people change so dramatically! It makes me wonder if we ever really know people?