Does anyone else ever feel like the only purpose they might have in life is to be used by other people?
I feel like when I’m not being forgotten about or treated like shit, I’m being used for what I can offer others.
That might be that I can drive, therefore if a friend wants to go shopping suddenly I’m the only person they want to know. Or a friend is very depressed and needs someone to talk too, then they won’t leave me alone, but as soon as their happy and ok again I don’t see them for dust.
But what about if I need something? What if I’m low and need a friend? What about if I need some support because my Dad’s ill? What about if I just wanted some company cos being alone sucks and maybe socialising with people and going shopping or something would be fun, where are these people then? Nowhere!!!
I spend my time feeling alone and miserable and depressed, drowning in my sorrow that life’s causing me, desperate to talk to someone and have a shoulder to lean on, find someone who might spare me 10 minutes of their time so I don’t feel so alone in the world and can stop internalising all my fears and emotions. To know that someones cares if I’m alive or dead, that my existence matters more and can’t just be filled be public transport or a counselor and that even if it could that someone cares about me and doesn’t care if I can’t offer them anything in return.
Do people actually do that? Do people care about people even if they have nothing of value to offer? Or are we all just out for what we can gain?
I feel like I’m drowning and I’m desperate for someone who can just help me, they don’t need to save me, just keep me afloat.