I think I self destruct my life.
I know that I let things get on top of me, from the little things to the big things.
I take on too much and do too much, even when I’m exhausted, or ill.
I let my emotions get the better of me, I let the anxiety take control, and I get ill.
People use me and let me down, and leave me feeling worthless and stupid and this effects my mental well being.
I stop sleeping well, I stop eating well, I spend most days feeling heavy with depression, focused of all the responsibilties. That bill to pay, this bill to pay, that to fix, that to replace, things falling apart around me, people wanting this or that, trying to keep people happy, trying to find a way to carve out some happiness for myself.
Before I know it, I’m struggling to do what I need to do, struggling to work, and then I become more worried about those bills, and wondering where I’ll find the money if my job lets me go, and the stress builds, and all those burdens start to crush me, and the anxiety builds and the depression deepens, and I become aware that it’s just a matter of time before I fuck it all up again.
Have I done this? Am I self destructive? Am I the reason why things never work out?